a cute title @ japon

*10/16/06 ~ 1/8/07* --> the amount of time I will be in that one weird country, as well as how long I have to figure out... at least why denim jackets look so crappy with jeans.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

♪A Couple More Loose Stringies♪

I thought there were going to be no more posts here until I got there, but I changed my mind. Girls are allowed to be fickle. Oh, there I am, supporting gender roles at the same time that I'm totally bashing them. Kudos to Walt Whitman, or whoever said, "I am contradicting myself, I contain multitudes," or something like that. I'll look it up later, as it seems to be my life story.

ANYWAY, I just wanted to say, God, thank you that so many people care about me in all areas of my life, and thank you that I have a heart. Thank you that I'm able to love people, places, and times, even songs, so much that I'm able to cry about them.

It took every fiber in my being to compose myself today, Saturday - the last day of work until January. The first couple hours were fun and normal, and then came lunch break. I was just walking around outside, and it was just the most beautiful weather, humongous, puffy clouds, the right temperature, and for some reason it gave me this overwhelming urge to cry. But I held it in by squeezing my butt, and telling myself (excuse the language), "Just say 'fuck' over and over." Yeah, it seems funny, but I was desperate.

And then I got back to the coffeehouse, and I sat down, heard everyone talking, and laughing, and the blenders going, and just, all of the racket that usually goes on there, realized I wasn't going to be listening to it for close to three months, and I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I decided to go to the bathroom. No, I'm not talking about pee, or that other thing which looks like a... never mind. Turns out the women's bathroom was occupied, so I went into the men's, turned off the lights, bawled my eyes out, made sure my eyes weren't red, and then made my way out again.

I thought I was fine, I thought I was done, but when it came time for me to leave, I knew doom was upon me, especially when Wames played the finale of Rent on the speakers and everyone gave me this more than cool signed thing. All that went through my feeble brain then was, "I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, crying is stupid, eff word, eff word, eff word!" And, yeah. Repeating profanities which you rarely say out loud over and over has a shocking effect for a while, but for the most part, it doesn't work.

This was an incredibly sappy, and kind of emo entry, but it won't be the next time I post, which will be when I'm there. It will be filled with mado-isms and charlie-isms and all kinds of stuff you never wanted to know about. Hehhehhheh.

Tomorrow, I say goodbye to everyone at Hanjyuku, at church - now I'm positive about my eyes melting into all the salt water. And the day after that, I will be on the plane. And the day after that, I will be --- there.

9 Comments:

At 3:57 PM, Anonymous sappe said...

we loooove you madomado!
hanagara undie haite ganbarunoyo!!!
see ya tomorrow !
hugs

 
At 5:13 PM, Anonymous yufu said...

hey madoka!!
thats cool ur gonna have a eigo blog!
i will miss you a deeply too > <
but i shall see you before u go*
excited*

mufufu*

 
At 6:16 PM, Anonymous andy said...

With an english entry comes an english reply...

...anyways, to tell you the truth, I'd do probably the same thing if I was in your position. I mean, really, our Hanjyuku Family had such a HUGE (if not the BIGGEST)impact in my life that if I was to leave Hanjyuku and the church (or even think about it), I'd literally start to cry intensely because there's no way I'd let go of your guys's (is that correct grammer?) hands because you and everybody else has given me the best present of all; love and true friendship, something that I've never really felt before in my life, and, I guess the only way I could kinda pay it back is to be of service and whatnot. Also I really have to thank everybody and God too.

Haha, anyways, enough of my life story....Momo! (this is probably cheesy, but whatever, haha) With the pain of being apart, remember that your family is always here for you with our hands stretched out no matter what, even if between us is a mere hair strand or even the seven seas. All in all, we love you kiddo! =]

Oh! Also, don't forget to have fun in Japan too! And stay safe! =]

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger Yelhsa said...

Does squeezing your buttcheeks really help? I should keep that in mind next time I get homesick. Mokie, email me your address okay? in fact, here's mine since I was a lazy butt and never gave it to you before:

My Name, A908
1231 E Colton Ave.
Redlands, CA 92374

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger Yelhsa said...

I shall write you because I am much smarter and funnier on paper than I am in person. Case in point: that one DreamStreet fanfic about us switching bodies with Jesse, Frankie and Greg. Funny.

 
At 11:52 PM, Anonymous yUmi said...

おぉー英語ブログ!!
英語のお勉強になります(๑→ܫ←人→ܫ←๑) w
ねえねえ、まどまどのブログ、あたしのにリンクさせてもいい??♡

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger momo said...

sappe:::
i will wear those undies to my grave!!!
love love love love love <3 <3 <3
頑張るわー はぐはぐ

yufu:::
hey!!! it's youwho!!!! i hope your cold gets better. thanks so much for coming by today... heart heart heart. and watch the charlie video!!! hehe
*miss miss*

andy::
i didn't cry today, thank goodness. i'll be praying for you, and also so that you'll have a life like toilet paper (long and useful) and seven children.
cheesyness is awesome. cheesy things are only cheesy because people always verbalize what they feel, so it feels overdone, but if you dig deep down, maybe cheesyness is what everyone is thinking, really. okay, that was cheesy.

i dunno about staying safe (i got run over by a pink car the last time i went) but i'll have fun!!!! thanks so much.

teh crash:::
squeezing buttcheeks don't help at all, or rather, they'll help temporarily, but is not a permanent relief. it's like a short, fake, fleeting reassurance.

and i'd much rather see you in person than on paper. WICKED NEXT YEAR!!! yessssssssss

stay alive at redlands yo!!!

yummy:::
リンクしまくっちゃって!!!嬉しいわーおばちゃん、嬉しい。

 
At 3:48 PM, Anonymous みえこーぼ said...

うゎん!まどんか。今頃飛行機の中かしら?日本でいっぱい楽しんでステキな女になってきてください。ステキな仲間がたくさんいていいわね!そして神様はいつも一緒。その神様にあって私たちはひとつよ!!愛してるわ!!!!

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger momo said...

みーやん

私もとってもとっても愛してる!!!いい女になるからね!!!君はもういい女だからちょっといい女度を分けてくれ。チ、これだから恋をすると!!

 

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